I hate all girls vehemently.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
