let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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