I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
