physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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