I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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