I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
