I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
