I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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