Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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