It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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