She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
