At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
