I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
