how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
