some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
