I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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