Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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