I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
