I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
