i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
