Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
handjob tips. give me some.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
