I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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