I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
