I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can text with my tongue
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
