do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
