I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
