i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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