I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
