Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize