he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
