He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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