How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
