What did we do last night that was yellow?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
