So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
