I heard we made out
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
