also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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