OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
