all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
