You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
