I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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