what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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