I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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