she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
