my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
