God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
