Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
