Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize