I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
