Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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