i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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