people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
