Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
