hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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