He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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