Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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