so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
