You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
