Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize