The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
