Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
