I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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