If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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