I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm both gender and math confused
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
