We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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