My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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