so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize