so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
porn star boner night. come get it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
