there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
