Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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