The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
