you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
