so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
