I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
