I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
