I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize