i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
