phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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