If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
