He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
