this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
