so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
areolas are like halos for boobs.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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