i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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