Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You left your phone here
Wait...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
