i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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