to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
