Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
