Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
