Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize