you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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