she was so not down for the gang bang
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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