i would punch a child for taco bell
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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