I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
