dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
